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Chapter 192 From Hell to Heaven, Book 2

Chapter 192

Minerva before the portal

Rough encounter with Helena

1. Says Robert: That’s good advice, but silence, she hastens this way, still wearing the shining dress and carrying the fake sword of tin and cardboard. She has not lost any of her extraordinary beauty either. She really is endlessly beautiful, and it is hard to imagine the Deity bringing forth a more shapely beauty, although I don’t think one should praise her beauty much either; it could make her still more vain and proud.” Says Cade: “Sure, sure, no more about it or she is hard to get off one’s back!”

2. Says Minerva, already behind Cado: “Quite right – hit the nail on the head, as usual! Wanting to teach the others how to best get rid of me as if I had ever imposed myself on anyone! For this I have too much honour and pride. And you my friend Cado need not fear at all, having known each other for quite some time. Should I call you by your real name perhaps?”

3. Says Cado!” Shut up, if you don’t want my notorious courtesy! Over there is the locked door: see if they will let you in; do you really belong in there?” Says Minerva: “Dry up, I do as I will, not dancing to your whistle; capito?”

4. Says Cado: “Indeed, vain and haughty and stupid to boot! How should you be capable of willing and doing what is for your eternal benefit? If however you should have anything further to say to us then I beg you for more select language! Should you be unable to oblige me, then at least for the sake our most of tender celestial lady here!”

5. Says Minerva: “This would be a rare celestial lady! This crude proletarian brat I am to show respect? Me, the foremost being of all infinity, and that one, the last one of that most notorious Lerchenfeld (suburb of Vienna)! You would know about celestial ladies – calling this typical Vienna rubbish-dump roast such! Congratulations for your rising celestial wisdom!”

6. Here Helena, quite aglow with rage, interrupts her: “Well well, you proud ass, so you know something about me, you slapped-together pig of infinity! How is that – the foremost minx of infinity getting stuck into me! No fear, I’ll crease your polished old donkey skin-folds a little more, since they itch you so! Do you - skim off the infernal beef-soup - think I don’t know you? Don’t worry, filthiest Jesuit hankie: this one is going to call me a proletarian brat! See you get going before I show you where God’s carpenters are drilling the hole for you!” Says Robert: “My fairest Helena, I beg you, wife, given me by God Himself, do not get excited: not even God can accomplish anything with this pseudo-Minerva, let alone ourselves! You know that no dates grow on thistles, or figs on hedgerows! Let her say whatever she will, for her voice shall not penetrate our ears and even less our hearts!”

7. Says Helena: “Yes, but as an honest Christian one has to stop off the devil’s trap! She is quiet because she can’t find rougher words. Just let her make a sound and I’ll fine-tune her a Lerchenfelder song to last her for eternity! Well, this holy archangel Michael’s poison-roast will get to know me! Verily I could even become uncivil with our dear Lord God, were He to ever mete out grace to this Peter’s throne. This one has been too evil for too long, even for hell, the reason why the other devils can’t stand her; and you had to call her over!”

8. Says Cado to Minerva, who is shaking with rage: “Well, have you run out of your crudest vocabulary, finding no response to these compliments? It seems you found your master, your silence an admission that the Lerchenfelder is right!” Says Minerva: “Don’t mention this gallows rope again, for I have my fill of her!”

9. Interrupts her Helena: “Just get going, or there shall be mosquitoes with Spanish flies; know the Lerchendfelder salad?(showing Minerva her fists) Should you delay your departure, your runny nose trap will collect it!” Says Robert: “Helena, for God’s sake, I beg you! We shall end up at the Lerchenfelder sewer rather than enter God’s heaven! Remember that you rested at God’s holy breast, as His darling, soaking up His grace – and now you are a perfect Lerchenfelder again! Look, you shall have to cast this away or the portal shall not open to you too soon.”

10. Says Helena: “Well, It seems you are not willing to tell this filthy beast a few eternal truths to her face! ’ Says Robert: “Not at all darling, but I feel sorry for your mouth, which had already become celestial and had spoken to God, handing out some glorious love counsels to me!”

11. Says Helena: “Mouth or no mouth, truth will out. They say that truth does not necessarily sound good even from the most beautiful mouth; but how come you object to the truth from my mouth as bad but don’t notice the same crudeness from yonder devil’s frump. If you feel sorry for my mouth giving the eternal blasphemer a lecture then how much more sorry should you feel for a mouth from whose lips no true word has ever emerged yet. Rather than stopping me dead in my tracks, tell her off!”

12. Says Minerva: “Have you unplanned Lerchenfelder wood, who is not like to have studied courtesy at high school, finished? Nothing so crude has ever hit my ears.” Helena interrupts her: “Well, don’t let it swell your ear. To put with her uncouth Jesuit penitent’s spinners when fed hell and purgatory from God’s representative on Earth! Just hang in for your dog-fight if not clearing off now, have your beautiful face re-modelled! ’

13. Says Cado: “Calm down, Helena and your friend Robert! I will now have a word with her myself and perhaps tune her a note closer to God; you two need to keep the peace however.” Says Robert: “Do so, brother; I look forward to be rid to her. She strews seeds of discord over those getting too close! I think she would soon mix up the angels as well. I wish you luck, having doubts about your success, for this being will do good only by force, never voluntarily; I’d put all my bliss on it!”

14. Says Cado: “You may not be completely wrong, although I would not wager all my bliss on it; eternity is endlessly long, and over such epochs and circumstances things can happen that no spirit has contemplated yet. Hence let us assume possible whatever is not against God’s order. Placing bets on chance would amount to doubting God’s wisdom; with God all things are possible; hence why not also Satan’s full conversion?”

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